The Feelings I Abhor

A lack of conviction threw me in the arms of melancholy,
a desire to seek for your company
thwarts my attempt in taking control of my sentiments
which I know, compounds my weakness for you.

My ill-deeds I adore
My being fragile for you I abhor.

This absurdity of feelings, leaves me powerless
and I scorn them for what they are,
for what they mean and yet I still persist, as if enchanted,
in begging for your embrace, almost subserviently,
and I become the onlooker of my own life
and no more the partaker of it

My ill-meant deeds I adore
My feelings for you I mistrust

I disdainfuly look at my own self,
and try vainly to feel composed,
but this deadly attraction that wields upon me,
leaves me vexed and disarmour my wits

My macabre senses I adore
Your power on me I loath

I try to let my shadows overcast my heart
and I abstain my stare on your magnificent self,
yet I scarcely have power on this heart of mine,
and I loath it darkly
for it has obstructed my sense of reflection
it has obstructed my sense of action


RQ
Moscow
25/5/10